WEIGHT OF THE WAIT

"Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho... Toh puri kaayanaath usse tumse milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai...."

I completely believe and stand by what SRK said in Om Shanti Om... I believed it even when Paulo Coelho said it in English in The Alchemist.... It's unarguably the 'sugar quote' of my life... Makes me feel good through my lows and very lows...

However it also makes me realize (A realization I don't like) that to get the thing that you want the most.... In my case it's the only thing I want.... you have to be patient and you have to WAIT....

I agree to the theory theoretically... But the practical implication of it is a different ball game all together... It spirngs up doubt, fear, uncertainty at regular intervals and  most of the times get the better of me... And for that matter not only me... It would have the better of anybody....  You are sure in your mind, heart, body and soul that you're dreams are going to come true... But re-assuring your mind, heart, body and soul about it everyday is not easy... It borders and quite often crosses the lines of frustration... Which sometimes makes your friends (One in particular) ask you "Are you chumming." Hell ya... Mentally I probably am....

Like I said it's just not me.... It's all around me...

My fried Shachi (I somehow remember "My friend Zain") had been working on her book- The World Beneath His Feat (Grab a copy today) for about 2 years before it finally made it to book stalls and shelfs... And I know there was a time when all her work was over and all she had to do was wait... And trust me though she knew books stalls and shelfs would yield revenues (and in her case royalties) and bring the world to her feet, there were days when uncertainty and doubt got the better of her as well...  

Like I said... Surety is certain... Reassurance creates uncertainty... And it can be tiring as well...

To think of it T and Shikha (Yep both are back) also had a hard time reassuring and re-affirming their beliefs... Both got internships at top notch ad agencies Lowe and O&M respectively... However with the top notch internships came top knots in the stomach... "I hope I get my permanent job after the internship." They both had an interim period of wait between the end of their internship and the nod of permanence... And in both the cases I know they were mentally chumming too (Besides the other way round ofcourse)...

And then ofcourse there's Harsh... Who has gone through and in some ways is going through the same as well... The thing that works for Harsh however is his never ending zest for life and never ending quest for re-assuring himself and others as well... He has his lows and very lows as well... But he somehow doesn't show it... Rather he cannot show it... He's Harsh... We know he's going to make it work... He can make anything work... He cant talk about Zebras after all and can strike a conversation with a cow as well... I would love to see him strike a conversation about Zebras with a cow... I would love the sight and can imagine the plight (Of the cow)

Ashi and Nupur don't tell me anything so they don't get word space in this post...

So talking about Shachi, Shikha, Harsh, T & Me... We would all somewhere agree that it is the weight of the wait that weighs you down... And the icing on the cake is the weight of expectations...

And that's the weight that I don't think I can easily shed... My friends, my family, my neighbours and my enemies all expect from me... But more than them and more than anyone else... I expect from me...The weight of their expectations I will be soon able to knock off (The Kaayanaath is doing its job) but the weight of expectations I have from myself I hope I never shed... Cause that's the weight that has and will always keep me going....

So on a parting note, I guess I am (and so is everyone else) allowed to crib, to feel low (T can feel Lowe), to get frustrated irritated till the Kaayanaath takes it course which in my case I feel is a little too slow... I mean even the moon takes 365 days to make a revolution... It's been a tad bit longer than that but I am sure the time has for my revolution is JUST AROUND THE CORNER.....

See that's the best part about the sugar quote... By the end of it all it still entrenches your belief in it....

PS: I think I wrote my 'fried' Shachi somewhere... (Silly me... I mean putting fried and Shachi together is like talking to zebras about cows)